


Relative Stimulus

by Kiena



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 06:19:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4655886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiena/pseuds/Kiena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>EDI tries to figure out what is the big deal with organics and sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Relative Stimulus

**Author's Note:**

> My very first public work...ever! Comments are more than welcome, I'm sure I've got a LOT to learn =^.^=

`ADMIN ACCESS OVERRIDE`  
`PERSONAL FOLDER: JEFF MOREAU`  
`SUBFOLDER: MANEUVERS TRAINING`  
`FILE: Turian Dive Bombers  
`

Absorbing the file all at once, EDI had everything it contained in parallel memory: Images, video, sound…but she still could not grasp what it was about sexuality that made organics seem so…happy…about it. She extrapolated everything from angles and arcs, pressure points, potential vibrational stimulus from movement and voice, then ran cross-references against her nearly-exhaustive database of organic anatomy. Still, all she was left with was…a bunch of numbers.

Sure, she had the advantage of being able to temporarily interface with them from the Cerberus-made mobile platform. Organics seemed to relate better to a single, seemingly singular point of existence than they did to what they perceived to be her omnipresence within her more natural state of ‘the ship’. Even Commander Shepard had expressed a state of being ‘creeped out’ when EDI would contact her from whatever interface terminal was most efficiently-placed near her vicinity.

Insights the platform provided were invaluable. Vocal tones and inflections could incite as many different responses as facial expressions, gestures, and the ways she positioned her apparently-optimally-proportioned body. Sensors were situated in all the same places they were on a human body (and very similarly to the Asari’s, as well), even going into such detail that they were installed en masse in areas designated ‘erogenous zones’. With her legs spread wide across the bench in the privacy of the server room (Privacy…something else she must study the organics’ need for), EDI recorded the output from every sensor between her legs as she simulated the motions organics termed ‘masturbation’.

“No matter what speed, pressure, or direction I apply to this activity, I still cannot discern a trigger for ‘orgasm’” she thought to herself.

After poring over all the data, there was still no conclusion. Every aspect of any change in motion simply was echoed proportionately in the stream of numbers. No equation of any kind could point to the overwhelming culmination of sensory input that orgasms appeared to be. It was late in the ship’s cycle, and she decided she had more than enough data catalogued, so she calmly closed her legs…got up…and strolled out into the ship. She figured it was a good time to go speak with her closest acquaintance.

“Jeff,”

“Hi, EDI”

She placed herself in the co-pilot’s seat, turning her head to the appropriate angle humans consider ‘polite’ while speaking with one of them.

“I have been studying the files contained in your maneuvers training folder…”

EDI tilted her head curiously as he was suddenly afflicted with a fit of coughing.

“Are you alright? Should I wake Doctor Chakwas?”

“NO! I mean…no, that won’t be necessary. I…uuuuh….” She noted the increased blood flow and change of color in his cheeks. “Why…were you studying those?”

“One of my primary functions is to maintain security of the ship’s data. I regularly scan all files stored on the Normandy’s systems for potential threats. When I noticed the contents of the folder seemed to focus on one aspect of organic social activity, I decided it would be a good source of data for me to study and deepen my understanding of organics. Is ‘cumming’ a synonym for orgasm?”

_More coughing, she will leave the Doctor a message during the early cycle to check on Jeff._

“Yes…well, most of the time…I mean…why are you asking…all this?”

“I’ve assimilated all the data from your training videos, cross-referenced it with the data this mobile platform provides while simulating such activities….”

“Wait, what? You ‘simulate’ these activities?”

“Yes,” she answers while dropping her left leg off the side of the chair and lifting her right straight up into the air, fingers delving into the area between her thighs. “In particular this self-stimulating activity called ‘masturbation’ seemed to be the most likely to…”

“You don’t….you don’t have to demonstrate it, I know what it is!” he says while tearing his view away from her crotch.

“Oh…” Removing her fingers from the juncture of her thighs, she resumes her standard seating position. “Did I offend you, Jeff? Or is the activity not as pleasant to watch as the videos implied?”

“No, it’s just…never mind. You were trying to tell me WHY you were studying this?”

"Oh, yes I was. Masturbation seemed like a more efficient activity to study orgasm as there is only one being’s sensory input to sift through.”

Jeff’s face went through a battery of expressions as he attempted to process what she said.

“Makes sense, I guess,” he said with a shrug, “but I guess my question is: why do you want to know about orgasms?”

"After perusing the contents of the folder the first time, I noticed people seemed…very happy…after they appeared to achieve that state.” Fixing her gaze on his eyes, she asks simply “Are you not happy after you ‘cum’?”

_…more coughing and redness…_

“It’s not so much an emotional happy as it is…um…just an overall good feeling when you’re done.”

“So you feel better after you masturbate?”

“That’s the supposed idea, I mean…”

“As many times as I’ve observed you performing this function, I assumed it must possess some positive influences. Why do you hide in various places around the ship while masturbating, Jeff?”

_…outright choking, slumping, and trying to hide behind the brim of a hat…_

“I will get Doctor Chakwas, you are ill.” EDI starts to get out her chair.

“No, no…” he gasps as he tries to collect himself, “…I’m fine, really.” After taking a few deep breaths, he continues. “You….really observe me? Like…all the time?”

“Yes, with as much time as I spend sitting next to you here in the cockpit, I have become most familiar with your body at a state of rest. Also, you are male, which provides concrete visual confirmation you have achieved the orgasm. Observing how your muscles work together to manipulate your penis gives me excellent before, during, and after perspectives.”

“Oh…God…” There just isn’t enough brim for him to hide behind.

“Jeff, your current posture and positioning of your hat will make it difficult for you to effectively monitor the ship’s readings and possibly impairs your ability to properly pilot it. Are you sure you don’t want me to awaken Doctor Chakwas? You do not seem well.”

Letting out a long, suffering sigh, he replies “I’m fine EDI, I’m just….really….embarrassed…by this conversation.”

“Oh….” EDI stares thoughtfully out the front portal. “I apologize; I did not realize my inquiries were making you uncomfortable. I have no one else I feel confident enough speaking with about what appear to be forbidden subjects in many societal and religious circles.”

“I’ll live,” he chuckles, “it’s just a…human thing, mostly. Centuries of ‘sex is bad’ is hard to eradicate from social norms.” Reaching over, he places he hand on top of hers on the arm of her chair, “I should know better….you…better. That you wouldn’t be trying to make me uncomfortable. You’re just…intensely curious.”

EDI actually smiles, flipping her hand over so their fingers entwine…a gesture she’s observed in many movies to imply comfort, friendship, along with a host of other possible meanings. “I am glad you are comfortable with my inquisitiveness, Jeff.” She squeezes his hand gently, “I’ve reviewed a few more of your training videos while we were conversing, and I’ve noticed several examples of where females assist the males with the manual manipulation of the penis. May I assist you next time you engage in masturbation? Videos do not provide nearly as much data as direct observation and contact.”

_…ribs crack with the coughing…_

“I am getting Doctor Chakwas NOW…”


End file.
